The Silent Struggle: What You Wish people Knew About Your Infertility Journey

For most of your adult life, you’ve probably been trying not to get pregnant. It’s the story everyone tells you: take a pregnancy test, see the two pink lines, and just like that, you’ve got a beautiful baby on the way. It’s in all the movies, TV shows, and commercials. But here’s the thing: that’s not everyone’s reality, and it definitely was not mine. If more people understood the real experience of trying to conceive, it could save a lot of heartache and misunderstandings.

The Unspoken Truth: Things You Wish Your Friends Knew

There are a lot of things people don’t talk about when it comes to infertility. Things that, if your friends and family understood, might make your journey a little easier to navigate. In this post, I’m laying out some of the things you wish people knew—and hopefully, it’ll help you feel less isolated in your struggle.

Infertility Is More Common Than You Think

Before I even started thinking about having children, I only had movies to reference when it came to miscarriage or infertility. They always portrayed it as rare or tragic—think barren women in the 1800s or women having a devastating miscarriage in the middle of the night. But in reality, infertility is much more common than we realize.

According to the CDC, about 12% of women ages 15-44 in the U.S. face infertility, which includes both difficulty getting pregnant and carrying a pregnancy to term. That’s approximately 1 in 8 women. It’s far from a rare issue, but it’s something that people don’t often talk about openly. So, the next time you see a friend or colleague struggling, it’s important to remember: many women are navigating this challenge, often in silence.

Everything Can Be a Trigger

You know that phenomenon when you start looking at a specific car model and suddenly you see it everywhere? That’s what infertility feels like. It’s like the universe is constantly reminding you of what you don’t have. Baby showers, pregnancy announcements, ultrasound photos—they’re everywhere. It’s as if the universe is playing a cruel game of “let’s rub it in.”

For women going through infertility, it’s not just a nuisance; it stings. And it can feel isolating—like you're in a world where everyone else is moving forward with something you desperately want but can’t seem to grasp. If only people knew how much it hurts. If only they understood how hard it is to see constant reminders of what you’re struggling with.

It’s Changed My Relationship With My Body

Let’s get real for a moment. When you can’t get pregnant, it feels like your body is failing you. Society has this message that women are born to be mothers, to carry and nurture life. So, when your body doesn’t do what society says it should, it can feel like a deep betrayal.

After losing several pregnancies, I came to believe that I was broken. That my body wasn’t just failing me, it was somehow failing at being female. And that’s one of the most painful things about infertility. It changes the way you view yourself—your identity, your self-worth, and the trust you place in your own body.

I Sometimes Want to Talk About It—But I Don’t Always Know How

Infertility is a deeply personal experience, and it’s often one that’s hard to talk about. Society only wants to hear about the pregnancy announcements, the baby showers, and the happy endings. The losses, the heartache, and the not yet... those stories are harder to share.

But sometimes, I really want to talk about it. And I’m sure other women do too. It’s just hard when the conversation is so loaded. But here’s the thing: you have control over how you start the conversation. You can say, “I’m not ready to go into all the details, but here’s what I can share…” It gives you the space to speak your truth without feeling overwhelmed, while also letting your friends and family know how they can best support you.

Moving Forward: Healing the Emotional Burden of Infertility

The emotional toll infertility takes on your mind and body is immense. It can bring up guilt, shame, anxiety, stress, and an overwhelming sense of loss. These feelings are normal but also incredibly difficult to manage on your own.

The good news is, you don’t have to navigate these feelings alone. Somatic therapy, combined with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can help you manage the emotional weight of infertility. In therapy, we work to reconnect with your body and its sensations, helping you regulate your nervous system, process deep emotions, and break free from the cycles of guilt and self-blame. CBT can help shift the unhelpful thought patterns that keep you stuck in a loop of anxiety and stress. Together, these therapeutic approaches support emotional resilience, helping you move through grief, build self-compassion, and reclaim your sense of strength and purpose.

If you’re ready to find healing and support, therapy can provide the space to process your emotions in a safe, supportive environment. You deserve a place where you can unpack the mental and emotional struggles of infertility, and learn new ways to navigate them.

If you’re feeling the emotional weight of infertility, know that you don’t have to carry it alone. Let’s work together to address the anxiety, stress, guilt, and loss that infertility brings, using somatic and CBT techniques that help you feel more grounded and emotionally balanced. Reach out today to schedule a session and begin your journey toward healing.