Breaking Free from Limiting Beliefs: How to Overcome What’s Holding You Back
We all have them. That little voice in the back of our minds telling us we’re not good enough, not attractive enough, not capable enough. We find ourselves telling a story about what’s going to happen, usually riddled with worst-case scenarios and all-or-nothing thinking. What we may not realize is that these are our limiting beliefs at play—the thoughts, feelings, and conclusions we form based on our childhood, social conditioning, and life experiences.
Now that we’re adults with fast-paced careers, friend groups, and family woes, these limiting beliefs can wreak havoc on our sense of self. Sprinkle in social media influences, societal pressures, and unrealistic expectations, and you’ve got the perfect recipe for burnout, anxiety, depression, and low self-worth. But what if these beliefs aren’t the truth? What if they’re holding us back from the life we actually want?
What Are Limiting Beliefs?
A limiting belief is a core belief we hold about ourselves that holds us back from reaching our full potential. These beliefs are often formed early in life, based on our family dynamics, social influences, and personal experiences. For example, if we grew up in a chaotic or emotionally or physically un-nurturing environment, we might internalize the message that we’re not good enough or not worthy of love. Or, we might believe that we must be perfect to be loved and work harder to be valuable.
These beliefs don’t just magically disappear when we become adults. They become ingrained in our psyche over time, often without us even realizing it. The process through which these beliefs are formed—shaped by family dynamics, societal pressures, and early experiences—is known as conditioning. The beliefs themselves can become deeply entrenched mental frameworks, known as schemas, that continue to influence our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships long into adulthood.. As children, we interpret the world around us and develop stories about what’s happening and how it relates to us. These stories then get reinforced over and over, becoming our internal “truths” that influence how we approach every area of our lives.
Limiting beliefs can show up in both our personal and professional lives, shaping everything from our relationships to our career trajectories. And while they might have been helpful at one point in time (say, keeping us safe or avoiding criticism), as adults, they often create unnecessary barriers that prevent us from fully experiencing life.
How Limiting Beliefs Show Up in Our Professional Lives
For many of us, our professional lives are especially vulnerable to limiting beliefs. Imposter syndrome is one of the most common manifestations—feeling like a fraud or doubting our abilities, even when we’ve worked hard to earn our success. We may think, "I’m not as smart as my colleagues," or "I don’t belong here." These thoughts limit our ability to take risks, seize opportunities, and trust our own instincts.
Perfectionism is another huge player in the professional world. We believe that in order to be valued, we have to be flawless. But chasing perfection is a treadmill we can never get off. It leads to burnout, procrastination, and constant dissatisfaction with our work. When we feel we’re not doing things perfectly, we tend to judge ourselves harshly, often spiraling into feelings of inadequacy.
In the workplace, fear of failure is often rooted in a limiting belief that we’ll never be good enough. So, we avoid challenges, risk-taking, and putting ourselves out there for fear of being “found out.” The truth is, failure is part of growth—but many of us were never taught to see it that way.
How Limiting Beliefs Show Up in Our Personal Lives
The impact of limiting beliefs is just as powerful in our personal lives. In relationships, these beliefs can create unnecessary barriers between us and our loved ones. For example, you might think, "I’ll never be loved unless I’m perfect," or "If I show vulnerability, people will leave me." These beliefs prevent authentic connection and can create unhealthy dynamics in friendships, romantic relationships, and even within families.
For those of us who are parents, limiting beliefs about our abilities can show up in the form of parenting perfectionism. We may feel like we’re failing our kids if we don’t get everything right, leading to anxiety, guilt, and burnout. When we believe we have to be perfect for our children to thrive, we forget that our imperfection is actually what makes us human and relatable.
Social comparisons (thanks, Instagram) are another huge issue for millennials. The belief that we’re somehow behind or not “doing enough” can manifest in the form of constant comparison to others. It’s easy to get stuck in the narrative that everyone else has it more together than we do. But that narrative is fueled by external, often unrealistic expectations—and it’s not based in reality.
The Connection Between Limiting Beliefs and Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Our emotional intelligence (EQ) is deeply affected by our limiting beliefs. I believe that if we can increase our EQ we have a better chance of shifting our mindset and can learn to re-pattern the false narratives we have about ourselves. In order to build healthy emotional intelligence, we need to start by examining the beliefs that shape our emotions and reactions.
Self-awareness is key to understanding the impact of our limiting beliefs. If we don’t recognize the beliefs driving our thoughts and feelings, it’s hard to take control of them. For example, if you have the belief that “I’m not good enough,” you may constantly feel insecure, even when there’s no real reason to. It’s important to start to become aware of this inner voice and start to label it as a limiting belief instead of just accepting it as our truth.
Self-regulation is another area where limiting beliefs affect us. When we feel overwhelmed or anxious, we may respond impulsively or defensively, instead of thoughtfully and calmly. This reaction is often a direct result of underlying limiting beliefs about our worth, competence, or abilities.
Building empathy for others is another important part of EQ. When we’re trapped in a limiting belief about ourselves, it becomes harder to see things from other people’s perspectives. If we constantly think we’re not good enough, we may struggle to empathize with others’ struggles or achievements, because we’re so consumed with our own insecurities.
How to Start Challenging Limiting Beliefs
The good news is, limiting beliefs don’t have to rule our lives forever. Here are a few steps you can take to start challenging them:
Become Aware of Your Beliefs: Start by noticing the beliefs that pop up when you’re feeling stuck, anxious, or frustrated. Write them down. Challenge them.
Reframe Your Thoughts: When a limiting belief shows up, ask yourself: “Is this the truth, or just what I’ve been taught to believe?” Replace negative thoughts with empowering alternatives. For example, instead of “I’m not good enough,” try “I’m always learning and growing.” Use this CBT Thought Reframing Worksheet to help you practice.
Practice Self-Compassion: Recognize that everyone has limitations, and that it’s okay to be imperfect. In fact, imperfection is where growth happens. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would a friend.
Seek Support: If these beliefs are deeply ingrained, therapy (especially somatic therapy and CBT) can be incredibly helpful in shifting them. A therapist can help you identify the underlying beliefs and work through them in a healthy, supportive way.
Final Thoughts: Breaking Free from the Lies We Tell Ourselves
Limiting beliefs may have shaped our lives for years, but they don’t have to define our futures. By becoming aware of the beliefs that are holding us back, reframing them, and practicing self-compassion, we can start to create a life that feels more aligned with who we really are.
It’s not easy and it doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process and it takes practice. But every small step toward challenging your limiting beliefs is a victory. And as you start to rewrite the stories you tell yourself, you’ll see that you’re capable of more than you ever imagined.
Call to Action: If you're struggling with limiting beliefs that are holding you back, I’m here to help. Let’s work together to shift your mindset and build emotional intelligence through therapy. Contact me today to take the first step toward creating the life you deserve.